I have some good / bad / worse news for you!

The good news?

You will not be going to serve in Iraq.

The bad?

You’ve been assigned to duty as a motorcycle officer in the next Bush motorcade.

The worse news?

You and your motorcycle are going to Iraq, and Condoleezza Rice will be riding on the back as you shuttle her around on her next mission seeking peace in a place that has never seen it before!

Going to need new underwear?

I’d be looking into Kevlar with a Depends liner.