Archive for December, 2013

To Learn What Bing Is, Do A Google Search

It seems that Microsoft’s search engine “Bing” may well be on its way to join “Zune” in their pantheon of failed digital technology, and is nearly as dead as the crooner Mr. Crosby, whom I believe they may have stolen that name from. By the way, did anyone notice that I didn’t include Windows 8 in that “Fail” column above? Well, you can only beat a dead horse so many times before the humor in it goes away.

Image

Possibly on the pipe more than Rob Ford?

If you want more information on what a “Crooner” is, or who Mr. Crosby was, I’d have to recommend you use Google Search, especially if you want the results while you’re still alive. In doing that search it’s likely that you may find that Bing (the alleged search engine) is as popular with the average internet user as Bing (the alleged singer) was with his family.

Adding a little insult to injury, when I typed Bing into my Safari browser, it indicated that Bing was likely a typo, and gave me a large assortment of “did you actually mean?” choices. 

Located on its Stats page, WordPress, the gracious host site for this blog, provides me with a “Referrers” section, with one click on the “Search Engine” button I can see the source of the referral. This panel shows me a breakdown on how people (or since that epic fail that was a Supreme Court decision, perhaps even corporations) may have found their way to my blog, including which search engine they used. Lately in those results far below the top results of Google and Google Image Search, Bing has been locked in a hot competition for the bottom spot with Yahoo Mail, showing up with a choice preference level for information seekers only slightly above that of jumping in the car and driving to the library, if those anachronisms somehow still exist in your area. 

And once you factor in the cost of fuel for that drive, Bing would seem to be at least as attractive to the web going public as any of the new breed of venereal diseases that have been found by the N.I.H.

Image

Mmmm, Crack

Humorous P.S., Mr Ford was born in Etobicoke, Canada  

Photo from Surfer53.wordpress.com

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

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December 31, 2013 at 4:24 pm Leave a comment

Someone Got His Balls In A Sling?

 I was at a gathering last night when I heard someone slowly saying Ho…..Ho…..Ho and I thought that Santa had finally arrived, but it turned out that it was just Charlie Sheen checking off each of the names on the guest list for his private Christmas party. 

Must Be A One Ho Christmas

Looks like it’s going to be a one-ho christmas

And on that note, very a joyous Festivus to the rest of us, including fellow followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, noodley appendages and all.  

By the way, my Android phone spell check program recognized Festivus yet my Safari program didn’t.

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

December 25, 2013 at 7:35 am Leave a comment

Extrapolation Explored

The New York Times recently had a quiz (click the link below if you dare) in the opinion section of their Sunday edition that provides you with 21 questions, and further indicates that the answers that you provide it would enable it to determine, based on your choice of word definitions and pronunciation you gave in response, where you’re from. They call it “your personal dialect map“.

<http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2013/12/20/sunday-review/dialect-quiz-map.html?ref=opinion&_r=0&gt;

My answers generated the names of three cities in the U.S., one of which the program said was likely to be where I spent my formative years.  The middle of their three choices was Detroit, which is actually the city I was born and lived in for my first 14 years, so it seems that it nailed it. A friend (I call him that because I know it will piss him off) retook the test and said the questions changed, perhaps in response to his choice of a different answer to the question “what do you call a drive-through liquor store?”, it seems to have shifted the following questions after he chose a different response to that one. So, perhaps we’re dealing with a sort of fluid monster here?

If those 21 answers allowed the program enough information to determine my rough geographic point of origin, I have to suppose that if the quiz had, say, 50 questions, using my additional definitions and any more regional accents or dialects it turned up in the results, it might have narrowed that start point of mine down to a quadrant in zip code 48235 that’s between 7 mile and 8 mile road (strangely, it seems that I do share something with Marshall Bruce Mathers III, a.k.a. Eminem), and Southfield Road (now a freeway) and Greenfield Road. During the months that the streets weren’t snowbound, this was my bicycle riding range and the part of the city that I remember best. 

If they bumped the quiz up to 75 questions, my specific word usage may have indicated that my parents lived their post world war II years and pre-marriage lives somewhere around the intersection of Dexter and Davidson streets, that I was born in the very late 1940’s (Google one of my earlier subjects, Burr Tillstrom), and chances are fair that I have a Bar Mitzvah lurking somewhere in my atheist background.

So about that extrapolation mentioned in the subject line. Knowing of the NSA’s constant phone conversation recording and the use of speech recognition programs one could opine that my spoken words on the phone over the years would provide data miners with a clear definition of the area of my marketability to people with things to sell, and running this little blog of mine through text to speech software would quantify my potential danger (just kidding, heh heh) to the powers that be. 

Hmmm, something that looked like a drone just flew by my window.

Hey, there’s a knock at the door, I’ll be back as soon as I…………

The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be attributed. 

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

 

December 23, 2013 at 3:57 pm 3 comments

Anchorman II Circles The Bowl, It Floats!

This post is in response to the impending release of Anchorman II .

There’s old Hollywood saying that describes the most common method to success in the entertainment industry, and fittingly enough it even predates the movie “Deep Throat”, and that saying is “It’s not who you know, it’s who you blow”.

In some ways, Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy could easily be compared to the blathering daytime t.v. oddity that is “Bethany”, except that he has a more noticeable mustache (and, one would assume, a penis), both are happily riding on the wave of a career rise that’s beyond any explanation, smiling all the way to the bank. This illustrates that as much as we’re aware that cream rises, we also know that often dead bodies and shit will float to the top.

So with the rising by the hour onslaught of phony praise, hype and cross promotions for “Anchorman II” that rivals Microsoft’s unending media time purchase and product placement of both the bloated virus magnet that is Windows 8 in so many t.v. shows and “Bing”, the basically still unknown web searcher. I’m thinking that under the guidance of an early  agent or manager Will Ferrell must have made a bulk quantity purchase of knee pads requiring several visits to Costco, and it’s also likely he will be in line for future kneecap transplants.

I’ve mentioned in a few of my previous posts that I can’t figure out how someone with so little talent has been able to go so far with an act that for the most part consists of trying and failing to emulate the routines of Steve Martin and Chevy Chase. I still have no answer for you, he’s just never been funny to me. Not even close…..  

Perhaps the rumors are true and Mr. Ferrell does indeed have a tattoo on his forehead that says “Don’t grab my ears, I know what I’m doing”, it certainly would explain a lot.

*******Breaking news update!!!!*******   On December 24th, shortly after the Los Angeles near to flatline release of “Anchorman II“, Paramount Studios is reported to be considering changing the name of the film to “Devastation of the Smug” in the hopes they might catch some of those ticket buyers who aren’t paying attention when they choose a V.O.D. to watch. In a related story, Dodge Durango sales are said to be increasing in spite of the flood of Ron Burgundy ads  .

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t get to choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

 

 

December 21, 2013 at 6:02 am 2 comments

When You Wish Upon A (T.V.) Star,

Other than wishing on a star, how else could anyone explain the continuing careers of Will Ferrell, Kirstie Alley, and the greenlighting of such horrid crap (even by what are humorously called “t.v. standards”) as “Super Fun Night“, and except for the always brilliant Martin Mull, “Dads“? It took some deep thinking, but the only way I could imagine making those two shows worse would be adding Patricia Heaton or Teri Hatcher to either cast. 

T.V. was called a “Vast Wasteland” in 1961 by Newton Minnow, the former head of the FCC, but the depth of that statement has gone under valued, much in the way my mother’s statement that “…anyone can grow up to be president” later came back to haunt me when “W” took the White House and used it as his own personal toilet to crap on the constitution of the United States.

Now, 50+ years on this curse on us is still circling the drain… and by the way, in the first paragraph I included Mr. Ferrell, the unfunniest funny guy ever in this rant because it was television that got him noticed and now sustains him in endless T.V. commercials that link up to the soon to be released and sooner to be forgotten “Anchorman II” floater. 

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed.
Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.
P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….
FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.

December 6, 2013 at 12:25 am 1 comment


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