You ask, why Dog bless us one and all?

Because I belong to DAM, Mothers Against Dyslexia.

Sorry for the short post, but today I have to work on yet another piece of crap  video that no one will ever see.

Yeah, occupational handicap indeed.

Congradulations Mr. Bush, “Mission Accomplished” ~

That is, of course if your mission was to have caused 4,000 (and counting) young American men and women to be killed.

Hell yes, you’ve even outdone Osama binLaden himself, his credit is said to total only a bit over 3,000.

Sure, you’ve gone and outspent him by what? A billion to one? And it took you five years to do what he “accomplished? in a single day with a few box openers.

I’m glad you caught the only 6 foot, 4 inch guy tethered to a dialysis machine in the mountains of Pakistan, Afghanistan, West Bumfuckistan, or where ever he’s been hiding.

Oh wait……………. hold that thought…..

So, any advance predictions on when your mission will be accomplished in Iran?

Pogo Ono hits the big one….

….one small step for the legal profession, one huge leap for divorce court.

Pogo, a.k.a. Heather Mills, said she was “so, so happy” with her approx. $50 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney. Really? No kidding?

Paul McCartney said he will do all his future thinking with his “upper brain”.

I take this to mean the next time he wants to have a pet around the house, he may rent a cute little kitty for the day, instead of buying a tired mangy old cow cat.

Call it the Spitzer method.

Just guessing here, but I don’t think that Paul calls her “Peg of my heart” any more.

Governor Eliot Spitzer was found guilty…..

….and convicted by the press.

His crime? He’s guilty of being a prominent Democrat at a time when the Republicans are in deep shit and in need of something to distract the masses.

This is a variant on the stopped on the street because you’re B.A.D. (Black After Dark) sort of issue, it kind of makes you wonder who it was that pulled those strings at the F.B.I. to get this ball rolling doesn’t it?

It damn well should have fired some synapses……

The major difference I’ve noticed between Democrats and Republican politicians?

Spitzer was alleged to have paid a young woman for sex in a classy hotel (In France, he could even be the president and do this, but here?).

whereas Republicans often look for their extra-marital sex in other places.

A closer view below, the kind that might “get your toe tapping”.

Here’s the new Republican mantra: “Welcome to Minnesota, please go directly from the gate to the baggage pick up area, and don’t pick up anything (or anybody) on the way”.

We’re proud to see you sporting your American flag pin in your booking photo Larry!

More things to watch for when I take over…..

Starting close to home, freeway wise.

All buyers of new BMW, Lexus, Mercedes Benz, Porsche and other similar high end cars will be required to take two classes before they can accept delivery of their shiny new examples of conspicuous consumption.

Class #1. Wherein the new owner operators will learn both how to recognize and when to use the turn signal lever to allow others in adjoining lanes to receive at least a brief warning when they are about to get cut off, or when they will need to make a  skidding emergency stop to avoid a collision with the above described trust fund baby.

Sure, it really looks simple, but………

Class #2. How to find and what to look for in that thing that’s mounted outside the doors, and the other one that’s in the center of the windshield (To the Brits, the windscreen), often these are called rear view mirrors.

What’s behind you is in your past, and perhaps your future as well…..

I used to be amazed that such expensive cars didn’t have any signals and mirrors installed straightaway from the factory. A closer inspection revealed that they did indeed have them, but the drivers had no clue as to what they were or what they were for.

Expect some changes….

If only they had used that black thing just outside the window…..

By the way…..

Anyone foolish enough to buy an Audi is exempt from the above classes, no amount of teaching is going to improve that lot.

A Drug To Really Trip Out With…….

….. when you want to exit the planet on your own terms.

If you stop to think about it, either using a gun or leaping out in front of a speeding bus to end your days may well work, but either of these will leave a mess that someone has to clean up (and a bus driver who might have difficulty sleeping), and it also might make the idea of having an open coffin service a tad unsettling for your family.

It seems to me that if there was a drug that was 100%  reliable in allowing one to pick their exact time and place to really “Leave the Building”, it could be the biggest money making pill ever  made, one that would pass Viagra, and I have to guess that the Pharma suits are busy at work trying to get it past the research phase to wide release.

The first (and main) problem would be getting past the FDA, convincing them that it’s safe for consumers. This would be a difficult sale since the intended purpose of this drug is to end your (the consumer’s) life.

The second obstacle would be figuring out how to do the required placebo tests, it’s not like you could just use a bunch of crash test dummies. Simply described, all it would have to do is take away any pain and then put you into a deep and peaceful sleep that you’re not going to wake up from, with no chance of leaving you to spend all of your eternity on earth as a vegetable on a respirator because it wasn’t strong enough to close the deal.

I’m sure that the religious right would oppose any sort of self administered stuff that would help you to end the “sanctity” of life, even if you’re deep in the tertiary stages carcinomaville, but I’m also sure that I’d run right over you (or them) on my way out to buy a few of these get out of hell free pills at any price in a skinny minute, just to have something on hand as an option when and if it suddenly became required.

I was never a boy-scout, but I can tell you I get “be prepared”. Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t stock up? Thinking of how I’d like to be able to leave this best of all possible worlds has been an occasional thing for me for the past few years, for no particular reason as my health is mostly good and my everyday life isn’t too bad either. Maybe it’s the people I have to deal with on a daily basis? I’m thinking when the time comes I’d like to be checking out something like I saw the actor Edward G. Robinson do once do in a film. He was wearing a comfortable robe, laid back and sedated, listening to some beautiful music which I think it was a part of the 9th symphony by Beethoven.

My audio choice for the last tune echoing in my ears at the end? At this time I’m thinking it would be “Lady of Shallot” by Loreena McKennitt, with the volume way cranked up enough to make my ears bleed.

I’m not actually suggesting I’ll do this or even preparing for this now, but that is a kind of relaxation that would make the transition into worm food a bit smoother for me.

What would you be listening to?

How to get another hit on your blog….

Just type in:

Tina Daunt

That’s it, simple enough.

Tina’s a staff writer at the L.A. Times that on occasion googles herself and will click on your link just to see what you’ve said about her. Also, it’s worth looking up some of her articles, as she writes well. It’s a true shame that she works on a paper that’s on a death spiral, with frequent revolving door style changes at the management level, and a new ownership that’s going to stripmine it and then dump the corpse in a field somewhere.

Hey, that would make a good lead story, too bad we don’t have a paper to run it.

There doesn’t seem to be a photo of Tina on the ‘net, so use your imagination.

I did.

Enjoy

Do The Math And Wilt’s Story Goes, Eh…. Soft

World famous basketball star Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain is best remembered for two things, one of those things was his skill at playing basketball, the other was his often proclaimed count of 20,000 different women he said he had sex with over the years, a total that I guess must include many short women that had to go up on him. After all that, I suppose that he had to have an open coffin service at his funeral because they couldn’t find a way to get the casket closed once rigor mortis set in.

Anyway, this total has gone unchallenged in every story ever told about him.

At least until today. 

Wilt’s in the box, yes, but did he get in a new box every day?

Doing the math, one different woman each day would indicate about 365 women a year (maybe taking a day off on the occasional leap year). Ten years would be 3,650 women, twenty years would be 7,300, and forty years would only total up to 14,600 different women.

Wilt’s first round draft pool?

Those lucky days that he might have had two or three partners would be averaged out with the times he was involved in some sort of (short lived as it might have been) one on one relationship, or maybe even married. Plus, you have to factor in that on occasion he would have to allocate a little of his time to play basketball.

Math wasn’t high on his list of things to do when he was alone.

When you’re wearing shorts, it’s easy to pull numbers out of your ass.

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

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I’m going way out on a limb here, but…..

…I’d be willing to bet if you woke George W. Bush out of a deep sleep, assuming no drugs were at work in his system (stop that laughing, it could happen), I believe he could speak in logical and complete sentences, and be able to use big words correctly.

Of course, as soon as he became aware that the world was watching, he would do a quick rendition (oops, shouldn’t use that word, US Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey might be following this thread) of Cliff Robertson’s 3rd act work in “Charly“, a 1968 film based on the sci-fi story “Flowers for Algernon”, and drift back to being the idiot we’ve all come to know and resent.

The only reason I couldn’t believe in this happening, is that after working with thousands of actors over the last thirty years, I’ve never met even one that could keep so strictly in character for such a long period of time.

But, everyone has to come up for air eventually. Let’s see if the real “W” will surface after next January, when he’s safely out of the country and living in his Saudi paradise far from extradition.