Archive for April, 2014

Watching The Tornado Watches

As an atheist, it’s difficult for me to even imagine myself trying to speak to invisible gods, including those that some say may direct the tornados and related storms that seem to hover around the middle of America about this time each year.

Image

Room 126 is where I first hit it, and should have quit it.

That being said, maybe they could try this one:

Image

39.7914° N, 85.7714° W

It’s not like I’m calling in an air strike on this exact location: 

Image

What, I have to draw god a map?

Wow, what a coincidence, *ex-wife #2 and my ex-house are nearly in the center of that particular set of cross hairs.

(*And by definition a tornado sucks and blows, a coincidence, I’m sure)

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

Advertisements

April 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm 1 comment

Secret Craigslist Decoder, No Ring Required

★ So, you want to get into show business? ★

Here’s a simple terminology decoder page that I’ve made up for those of you who have decided that you want to have to were born to work in the entertainment industry, and now that you’ve graduated from a film school somewhere you have run away to Los Angeles, New York, Toronto or Chicago and are full speed ahead going to join the circus. 

Image

O.K., Great! But where’s craft service set up at?

First off, you’ve already made a huge mistake as you’ll soon find that most film work is now being done in Georgia, Louisiana, New Mexico or elsewhere because those states have massive tax rebates to the producers that have lured film productions to go there. To work on those films, you’ll first need to obtain local I.D. to prove you’re actually a resident of that state so the production companies can receive those tax breaks, but sadly some states will require some sort of proof that you’ve actually lived there long term, a flashy newly issued drivers license won’t do. 

Image

If you’re one of those bright eyed types who can’t wait for your turn to do the Quentin Tarantino strut down these streets of gold so you can assume your place on the red carpet, reading this may help you understand the listings that you will find as you cruise around on Craigslist, a place you’ll find to be rife with double meanings and the people who often excel at using that ability as a tool.

Image

Here are typical Craigslist producers; Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe,

If a Craigslist posting states that your payment for your work and or equipment rental will be “differed”, “deffered”, or any other misspelled variation on deferred, it basically means that in addition to never getting the copy of the video you were promised you’ll never receive an imdb credit listing* either, and you can forget about being served with an actual edible meal that’s more than a slice of cold pizza within 6 hours of having arrived on set, as the California Labor Law requires, you will never be paid. Ever. You’re likely to run into people who will loudly deny these things will happen, but you might as well just call them liars, because they are.

Image

Here’s that 2nd meal we promised you

If a Craigslist posting asks you to work without pay for them on this job and in return they’ll pay you handsomely on their next job, it’s only fair for you to ask them to pay you for this job and in exchange you’ll work on their next job for free. After all, if they want you to “Trust Them” on this one (by the way, “trust me” is producer speak for “Go fuck yourself”) and work for free, why can‘t they trust you to show up on their next award winning and fun (see below) filled project that they have. Never.

Image

No, You Go First!

Should you be lucky enough to have a meeting (“Take a meeting” in producer speak, i.e. similar to “take a crap”) with them in person about this subject, watch their facial expressions as they hem and haw but never answer you. Ever. But you can be sure that they will tell you “Thank you for meeting with us, we’ll call you” at the end of your meeting, but, eh, “trust me” that you will never get that call. Ever.

Image

If a Craigslist posting says that the director, screenwriter, and or the DP are “Award winners”, ask them what sort of award it was that they’ve received, and where it came from. Chances are good that it will be something like a 3rd place award for originality from the Southwest Peoria Junior College© film festival**. Did they come close to getting a 1st place award? Never, ever.  I’ve found that many of the directors I’ve worked with on poorly planned productions wouldn’t be qualified to direct traffic at the Hollywood Bowl, but I digress. Again.

As long as it doesn't cost us anything, nothing is too good for you.

As long as it doesn’t cost us anything, nothing is too good for you.

Always remember that as a crew person on an independent film project you’re never actually going to be curing cancer or solving world hunger, so If any posting uses the words “Exciting, Challenging, or Fun”, you actually should interpret this as “Run Away”. You can also be sure that when those words show up in a posting it means you should expect to find really long hours working in terrible (and often unsafe, r.i.p. Sarah Jones) conditions planned by incompetent people on a piece of crap that no one other than the parents of the director will see. Never. Ever. 

Image

So Mr. Big Time Producer, was that shot really worth it?

If the producer says that the reason that they can’t afford to pay you for your services or pay you for bringing your camera, your make up kit, your props, your sound gear (the sound budget on most cheap productions may cover 2 dixie cups and a piece of string), or whatever you should be paid for is because it’s an independent film and there’s no money in the budget, that’s a lie. At this point, inform them that they aren’t ready for a crew because they’l first need to find a producer that can actually produce. I’ve found that most “producers” in the Craigslist world would be hard pressed to produce a shadow on a sunny day. Also beware of any film or video project that has more producers than it does crew people, their self aggrandizing interests will trump your basic survival needs every time.

Image

Guide To Lifting Coins Off A Dead Man’s Eyes

There’s an ancient entertainment industry basic guideline says that If you don’t have the equipment or experience you shouldn’t take the job, and if the producers don’t have the money they shouldn’t try to make any film, not back then, not now, not ever.

Image

If we can wrap before 11, we don’t have to feed them.

* imdb listings became completely worthless on the day that Amazon bought the original i.m.d.b. site and changed it into a place to market the videos which they sell and (Video On Demand) rent, and movie memorabilia. At this point anyone can easily create an imdb page, even for a nonexistent film. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and make one up using this to list yourself as the star, producer, director, writer, editor, fluffer, whatever. That was easy, huh?

**No offense meant to those fine people in Peoria, Illinois.

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, subsequent blame will not so easily be attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

April 21, 2014 at 10:59 pm Leave a comment

Beam Me Up Daddy!

Happy Easter to anyone else who, like me, is just, eh…., hanging around since everything’s closed for Easter.

Image

 

Some overheard words at Golgotha:

Why yes, I can see your house from here.

Could you cross your legs, we’re running short on nails?

My “Walk on water” days are over with these holes in my feet.

Spend a little time and visit the only comic site that’s a tribute to Gary Larson, and one of the very few since the passing (1995, r.i.p.) of “Calvin And Hobbes” that makes me laugh every day, it’s just a click away —> here:

Fair warning, be sure that you aren’t drinking milk if you’re in the middle of a Skype conversation while you’re going through those archives, white bubbles coming out of your nose are embarrassing (first hand testimony here) and messy.

A little more advice, start out at the beginning with a click on “Oldest” near the top, and then work your way page by page to the present by clicking on the “Newer” button.

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s), in this case it’s Mike “Lefty” Stanfill, creator of  “FarLeftSide.com. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

April 20, 2014 at 6:54 pm Leave a comment

Flight 370’s Fate French Style, N’est-ce pas?

A possible explanation of what happened to Malaysian Airline’s missing flight 370 has shown up in a photo included in the now famous tweet (here somewhat censored) shown below that was sent from US Airways.

We'll get to the bottom of this

We’ll get to the bottom of this

This photo seems to show how Malaysian Airline’s Boeing 777 may have, well, went down.

The unasked followup question? Was the activity shown in the photo a test of a new TSA security probe manufactured by Boeing?

What, too soon?

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

April 17, 2014 at 1:48 pm Leave a comment

Rochester, Start Up The Maxwell…

After examining a tattered shred of parchment that mentioned that Jesus said he was married, the scientists were further shocked when they found that his exact words “My Wife” were preceded by the word “Take” and then followed by the word “Please!”.

Image

Steal My Jokes, Please!

Many years A.D., some of Christ’s direct descendants apparently inherited these same genetic traits and became what we now often refer to as Jewish comedians, including a few who are still telling that same joke two thousand years later.

Image

Token Goyim Bob Hope, added for ethnic balance

ImageImage

ImageImageImage

Roseanne Barr

ImageGilda Radner

There are far too many other Jewish comedians (some dead, some alive, some with a career that’s either dead or alive, depending on who you ask) to list on something as small as the internet, so please just consider this to be a sampler chosen at random from the past century or so. Feel free to recommend others in the comments section if you think I’ve missed someone who really needs to be added even if it means bumping off someone else (off the list, that is).

By the way, that rumor that’s going around that the true last temptation of Christ was to pee on the heads of the roman soldiers below him has never been either confirmed or denied, but if he actually could walk on or turn water into wine……

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

April 10, 2014 at 2:58 pm Leave a comment

Яing, Яing, Яingskavitch

Vlad “The Invader” Putin recently made a telephone call to President Obama to discuss Russia’s plans to somehow find a way to pay for usurping Crimea, and at the same time also provide bigger pensions to all those brand new happy Russian citizens of his so soon after blowing Billions on the Sochi Olympics. Many politicians around the world are questioning why it was that Putin made this call.

Image

         I’ll gladly pay you Thursday for some of Crimea today!

One “Occam’s Razor” type possible clue?

Image

        Did he use that same old “Hot” line?

Vladimir called collect.

blogInsert

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

April 1, 2014 at 3:44 pm Leave a comment

Here’s Your, Wait For It…. High One, Barney

In spite of my finely tuned sense of inherently knowing what’s right and what’s wrong, I joined 12.9 million other schmucks and broke down and watched the final episode of “How I Met Your Mother”, but I think that my reasoning for this was justified.

In the same spirit, I’ve always said I’d find some way to attend the funeral for George W. Bush, just to be sure that that bastard was really not going to pull some sort of Phoenix rising from the ashes thing. 

So, it’s sort of like that, that’s why I had to watch this long running piece of meandering work featuring 4 funny actors and 1 (wait for it!!!) pathetic scenery muncher, just to be sure there isn’t going to be a spin-off, no “How I Divorced Your Mother”, “How I Knocked Up Your Babymama”, or whatever. 

Interesting side note: My Macbook’s spell check program approved of the word “schmucks”, and its dictionary provided this:

Screen shot 2014-04-02 at 9.01.47 AMblogInsert

April 1, 2014 at 3:27 pm Leave a comment


Calendar

April 2014
M T W T F S S
« Mar   May »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

Posts by Month

Posts by Category