No More Russian Winters, Hoorah!

I’ve decided to start publishing some of my favorite jokes on this site from time to time, this first one is courtesy of my late maternal grandmother.

I have a family that is full of funny people, some of whom are intentionally funny, some not so much. To the best of my moth-hole filled memory, in as much of her life as I knew of, my grandmother only told one joke, found here below the map.

She Lived About Halfway Between Warsaw And Kiev (a.k.a. KYIV)

One day when I was about 12 years old, she told me how she grew up in a little village that was somewhat like “Anatevka”, the one in “Fiddler on the roof”. It was +/- on the border between Poland and what was at the time was called Russia but is now, at least until Russia takes it back again, Ukraine. The border had shifted several times during her youth, and the very last time she experienced such a transition was just before she and my grandfather decided to make a break for the promised land, which at that time was called Canada.

The way she digressed as she told the story, it took her what seemed to be almost an hour to get to the punch line, so I’ll shorten it up a bit.

One terrible winter the border line had once again shifted and she and her family now lived in Poland. “We ran out in the snow and celebrated with song and dance and we screamed out loud, we were all so happy that we wouldn’t have to have to survive another Russian winter.”

O.K., I suppose that it was a little funnier to hear it with her accent and watch all that body language (with all that underarm flapping), you had to be there.

O.K., here’s an weak attempt to make up for the previous joke:

What’s the difference between Been Nuts and Deer Nuts?  Beer nuts go for $1.50 a bag, Deer nuts are usually found under a buck.

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. 

July 24, 2014 at 1:45 am Leave a comment

The Donald Gets Scalped?

In a news release, Donald Trump has announced he’s closing two of his casinos in New Jersey, it wasn’t all that difficult to figure out why this happened.

Donald demonstrates how the roof will look in the wind.

The Donald demonstrates how those roofs will look in the wind.

His idea of placing a thick rug of Astroturf © on those building tops turned out to be not quite  as much of a draw he thought it would be for potential high rent paying tenants.

 

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

July 18, 2014 at 7:23 am Leave a comment

The Wit And Wisdom Of Clarence Thomas

 

 

 

can of crickets

Better to be silent and thought a fool by others, than speak your thoughts and thereby prove them to be correct.

 

 

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t get to choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

 

July 1, 2014 at 12:57 am Leave a comment

Bieber Is The New Black?

At the BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards show held in Los Angeles yesterday, Canadian oddity Justin Bieber appeared as a guest star playing in a celebrity basketball game. And yes, the snowflake was easy to spot. Apparently if you’re from Canada and have tattoos, you wear your cap sideways or backwards, and rap it will somehow qualify you to be considered an honorary black person.

Somehow.

Image

Trying for the Bill Clinton look, that 1st white black guy who had a way with cigars.

It should be noted that this brief one time award show appearance doesn’t in any way retroactively excuse the prior use of the “N” word by this previously (he was born that way) very white boy.

Justin, in the white days

Justin in his very, very white boy days

On a scary note, my spell check program didn’t bother to challenge the spelling of Bieber.

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t get to choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

 

June 30, 2014 at 7:51 pm Leave a comment

Hollywood’s Secret Of The Day

The word on the street, and by “the street” I mean Hollywood Boulevard where nothing film related really ever happens other than tourists overpaying for crap Hollywood Sign souvenirs that are invariably made in China, or the yokels that are fresh off the bus from Omaha who are stupid enough to wander West of La Brea or East of Vine street and get mugged or car jacked. Or both. Oh yeah, that word….

Image

Why yes, I’d be happy to go up on her!

Oh yeah, that “word” referred to above is that Tom Cruise got the lead part in “The Edge Of Tomorrow” after Warner Brothers realized they could save those big bucks that it would cost to hire hundreds of muscular extras to play 6’4″ tall combat ready looking soldiers, because with Mr. Cruise in the scene the rest of the cast need only be about 5’7″ and as macho as Arnold Stang*.

 *Google Image Search Arnold (not exactly Schwarzenegger) Stang

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

 

 

June 25, 2014 at 11:25 pm Leave a comment

Hi, Remember Me (And “That Place”)?

Image

Iraq, again? Who are we kidding? With nearly 4.5 thousand Americans killed and tens of thousands more who came home in (mentally or physically) severely damaged condition after about 11 years of non-stop conflict, why is it that still no one seems willing to say that it all was for nothing, “The Mission” was not accomplished unless the mission was to empty the treasury into the corporate “Base” of George W. Bush.

emission accomplished

As terrible as Saddam Hussein was, taking him out did not help anything in the long run for Iraq or the rest of the world, it only created a power vacuum that was filled by screaming towel heads that are certain that their way is the only way, about the same kind of folks as the Tea Bag A-holes we have to deal with here on a daily basis in America.

Out of Iraq, out of sight, out of his mind?

Image

Why Does Everyone Keep Saying There’s “That Son Of A Bush”?

The sad paradox is that whereas most of the Democrats that you talk to will never forgive nor forget George Bush, most Republicans don’t seem to remember that he was their very own Iraq war president, somehow imagining that there was no gap between Clinton and Obama.

Mission Accomplished, Well Yeah, Except For…….

Traffic Control

Perhaps this will jog your memory?

Oh yeah, Afghanistan, the place we should have gone after 911 if Bush didn’t have to “one up” his father.

Image

A Different “One Up”, Or BOHICA In G.I. Speak

So, how is that 10 cents a gallon gas thing working out for you?

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and (sadly) I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

FAIR USE NOTICE: THIS SITE CONTAINS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL THE USE OF WHICH HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SPECIFICALLY AUTHORIZED BY THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. I AM MAKING SUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE IN MY EFFORT TO ADVANCE UNDERSTANDING OF ENVIRONMENTAL, POLITICAL, HUMAN RIGHTS, ECONOMIC, DEMOCRACY, SCIENTIFIC, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES, ETC. I BELIEVE THIS CONSTITUTES A ‘FAIR USE’ OF ANY SUCH COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AS PROVIDED FOR IN SECTION 107 OF THE US COPYRIGHT LAW. IN ACCORDANCE WITH TITLE 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107, THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS DISTRIBUTED WITHOUT PROFIT TO THOSE WHO HAVE EXPRESSED A PRIOR INTEREST IN RECEIVING THE INCLUDED INFORMATION FOR RESEARCH AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO: HTTP://WWW.LAW.CORNELL.EDU/USCODE/17/107.SHTML.  IF YOU WISH TO USE COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL FROM THIS SITE FOR PURPOSES OF YOUR OWN THAT GO BEYOND ‘FAIR USE’, YOU MUST OBTAIN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER.  

June 19, 2014 at 5:06 am Leave a comment

Older Posts


Categories

  • Blogroll

  • crew

  • funny

  • scripty

  • Sound mixer

  • Feeds


    Follow

    Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.