Mixing it….

When people ask me “What do you do for a living?”, the comic in me wants to respond with “You call this living?”. Some days it’s difficult to keep off that slippery slope of humor, especially when you’re wearing skis.  

Most days, I work as a sound mixer on films, t.v. shows, commercials, whatever comes along that requires someone to record sound. To say “I work” is a bit of a stretch, since the hardest part of my job is getting the job.

Sound mixers are often mistaken for Teamsters or mile markers on the highway, since none of us moves very much or (other than in an earthquake) very far. 

About that humor slope, here are some “On the set” jokes that pertain to film crew folks.

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1. How tall is the average sound mixer?

No one knows, since no one has ever seen one stand up

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2. What do Teamster’s kids do on the weekend?

Watch other kids play.

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3. How many producers do you need to screw in a light bulb?

Producers don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

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4. What happened when a teamster had a heart attack on a stage at Universal?

Paramedics had to wake up 14 teamsters to find the correct one.

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5. The difference between a DP (director of photography) and God?

God doesn’t think he’s a DP.

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6. How does a Production Assistant double his car’s miles per gallon?

He takes down the Domino’s Pizza delivery sign.

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7.  How many stunt men does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes 20 stunt men, 1 to change the bulb, 19 to say they could have done it better.

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Enough for now, check back in  near the end of the month for more.

Stepping over that film dollar….

to pick up something that is shiny, like a dime.

The problem independent crew people must face daily in the film business is that most of the hiring decisions are made by people that should not be allowed to cross the street by themselves, much less jerk others around.

“Speaking of a producer picking…..” 

As a sound mixer, I’ve been asked by these bozos to take an hour long drive out to a place that’s not exactly the middle of nowhere (i.e., Lancaster /Palmdale), but has the same zip code, and then both mix and boom their P.O.S.* low budget film for them by myself (demonstrating that they don’t have a clue about getting good sound).

They want me to do this for $150.00 or less per day with equipment, which also shows they have no knowledge of what that pile of sound gear I own cost me, or what it would cost them to rent. Or more likely, they just really don’t even care.

These morons are for some reason allowed to call themselves “producers”, when in reality they would find it difficult to produce a shadow on a sunny day.

Sorry for the venting, I just got off the phone with another of these wonder kids who wants to change the way films are made, because he has a “vision”.

Between you and me, I think his vision is obscured by his lower intestines.

P.O.S. * = film term for “piece of shit”, a.k.a. “floater”. This is usually a film that will be seen by the producer and his family, and in spite of all the pre production “festival circuit” talk, no one else.