Dear President Romney

November 6, 2012 at 7:11 am 1 comment

 To be sent November 7, 2012

After watching you give your victory speech today, I can only think of one explanation for that ear to ear idiot smile you have on your face, I’m sure that grin is because you knew the fix was in and Ohio always was in your pocket.

And no mater what else happened, you were sure that as a last resort you also could count on the traditional republican method of winning elections that no one in their right mind would have ever thought possible to win, because you know that who gets the votes has far less an influence on the results than who counts them.

Perhaps you could take a minute and remind the people that don’t know which one of your sons it is who has a business that provides those incredibly easy to program electronic voting machines. Ah, but I digress…..

Yes, the example of George W. Bush becoming the president of the United States is exactly what I was thinking of, a person who wasn’t qualified to be the president of a local Elks chapter somehow (a few possibilities would be the actions by his brother Jeb, The Supreme Court, a cousin at Fox news declaring victory before the ballot were counted , etc..) suddenly becomes the leader of the free world.

What I’m getting at here in order to cover my ass, is that as you assume that mantle of power, should someone happens to remind you of Nixon’s old idea of creating an “Enemies List”, every thing that I’ve written since the start of the Republican primary debates was all done in good fun. I’m aware that you’re not really known for having a sense of humor, with many Americans describing your smile as more of a grimace, but I’m sure you’ll accept my explanation for my activities. You see, I believe that I was taken over by a mind grab placed on me by either members of the church of Scientology or the Microsoft corporation board of directors as payback for my previous words about them, words that were less than polite on occasion. That’s why I was forced to write those terrible (yet often funny) things about you and the rest of your fellow Republicans that all were ahead of you in the race, the race you won!

That’s it, and if you’ll just accept my humble request for mercy, if not a full presidential pardon, I’ll never tell anyone about those warm sunny afternoons I spent comforting Anne while you were out on one of those endless campaign tours you’ve made in those endless years (at least until now) of pursuit of the presidency. In her defense, you have to understand that even the best of Stepford wives can get lonely.

When things slow down and all of the inauguration stuff is over, ask Anne to demonstrate her expertise with the reverse cowgirl trick, or how she can suck start a Harley. I can promise you that she’ll take your mind off any bad memories, much as she did for me!

Again, I’m sorry that I ruined her for you.


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Simply Amazing Current events?

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Camille Kellogg  |  January 7, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Woaahh! Nice bit of writing. Hilarious.


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