Now Where Did I Put That 10 Foot Pole?

July 6, 2011 at 6:30 pm 3 comments

A disclaimer:  First of all, note that this is not the previously predicted continuation of my last post. I suppose that means that I have once again made yet another broken promise for America to deal with. Secondly, this ought to be considered to be a guy-centric posting and NSFW (if you work with people that know how to read). Yes, the writer’s block that has dragged on for far too long is finally over and I’m back. Rest assured that part deux of “the lead off” will appear soon. Unless I’m lying again….

Now on to something completely different

In answer to a friend’s recent question, “Given the opportunity, would I do Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann?”.

My answer in the form of an updated old joke:

“Question: What’s the primary (no election pun intended) difference between a bowling ball and these two female republican candidates for president?”

“Answer: If I had to, I could eat a bowling ball.”

Anyway,  with regards to my friend’s question, I’d call it a No/Yes decision.

First, I would have to say no to Sarah, she’s quite similar to a human, but not close enough for me. My previous requirements of a pulse and a body temperature above ambient must now stand revised, I just can’t justify inter-species mating. The mere thought of bending her over a sno-mobile and doing her Husky sled dog style while making her call me “Todd” as I think of Gilda Radner playing Lisa Loobner and pull her hair really launches my gag reflex. In fact, I just threw up a little in my mouth while typing this.

Mouth, exhibit “A”

Blow me, a kiss?

On the other hand, I’d give a solid yes to Michelle, although I also would have to do her doggy style after adding several layers of duct tape to cover her mouth so I wouldn’t hear her voice. This choice is based on something that I’ve learned from Professor Tom Leykis and in life found to be absolutely true, those far beyond a loon batshit crazy ones (on a personal level, I certainly will offer my thanks to Jennifer, Bette and JoAnne), they will present you with the wildest ride and by extension, the best sex. Also, one would have to factor in that wide and accommodating mouth of Michelle’s, especially when you compare it to Sarah’s tight little…. Ah, but I digress once again.

Mouth, exhibit “B”

Well Goosed, it looks like at first glance

To avoid confusion, I’m easily able to separate the delusional bitter psychotic Ms. Palin from the delusional bitter and just plain nuts Ms. Bachmann by using this simple but to the point criteria: Would I feel safe falling asleep with either one of them? Uh, the answer would have to be no. To clarify, with Sarah mere ropes or chains around her hands and feet would not be enough, she would have to be locked safely away ala Han Solo, solidly encased in a block of Carbonite.

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N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of mine) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but because success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan, blame will not be so attributed. 

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below, I don’t choose them and more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them.

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

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This Is Just The Lead Off… You Can’t Outrun Stupid

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. tahocardoc  |  July 6, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Bravo and welcome back-
    I’d have to go with HELL NO and …maybe

    Reply
  • 2. joem18b  |  July 16, 2011 at 6:35 am

    how about tina fey as palin?

    Reply
  • 3. joem18b  |  July 16, 2011 at 6:36 am

    oh, and according to current gossip, you’ve also got to answer the question, would you do mr. bachmann?

    Reply

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