W.W.J.D. You Ask?

September 10, 2010 at 6:21 am Leave a comment

Yeah, What Would Jerry Do?

Here’s a quote from Samuel Johnson (1709 to 1784), a guy who it seems was way ahead of his time:

“When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight it concentrates his mind wonderfully”

As often happens when working freelance and things are slow, I got to thinking  and wondered what I’d do if I knew exactly what my life span was going to amount to, i.e., when am I going to leave the big auditorium?

Yeah, so I have a finite amount of time left on-planet, we all do.  I don’t know about all of the aspects, but I’m fairly sure that no one gets out of here alive.

In an attempt to organize things (o.k., perhaps a few decades too late) I started to break it down from one month to one week to 12 hours to 1 hour, in an attempt to figure out the best use of the dynamic range of it each period.

If I knew that I had only one month to live, for starts I would blow off all my worries about my weight. Next, being an atheist I’d just the same continue doing my own version of “My Name Is Earl”. This is a routine that I’ve been doing for the past few years, apologizing for the countless times I’ve caused problems for people. I don’t believe there’s a heaven or a hell (other than working for Disney), but I figured that I’d try to cover my bets just the same. It’s sort of like that ‘Vegas over and under thing……..

If I knew that I had only one week to live, I’d spend my days trying to be sure that I’ve tied up all the loose ends to my life so no one has to clean up after me, no one would find old love letters or a stash of my old porn (this happened to more than one of my friends), no one should be stuck paying off my old bills, that sort of stuff.

If I knew that I had only 12 hours to live, I’d do a much, much shorter version of “My Name Is Earl”, doing it on the phone and calling as many people as I could remember that I had caused grief for or otherwise screwed up their lives, and apologize.

Barbara, you’d be at the top of that list.

If I found out that I only had exactly one hour to live, I would do as much as possible of whatever of the above I could manage, but I’d have to find some way to set some time aside for:

I’m amazed you can still buy this without a prescription!

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Funnier if it didn’t happen to me daily Barack Obama’s to-the-point speech.

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