When I Become Supreme Ruler Of The Universe…..
O.K., since no one has asked for it here’s my (not so short) list of things that need doing which is now ready to go, so I can sort of hit the ground running. Here’s a sneak-peak look at my list:
1. To drive in the car pool lanes there will have to be two or more licensed drivers in the car. Driving kids around will not qualify as a car-pool, as you’re not removing a car from the freeway, but adding one in place of a school bus. Also, car pool lanes will exist only on regular work days, during “rush hours”, and only in the direction that any traffic will be “rushing” in. Furthermore, those yellow carpool lane sticker passes for single passenger vehicles will be taken away. Crap, they’re already getting a major sales push from the price of gas hitting the ceiling, no one needs any more incentive to buy one of those cockroach looking fuel saver cars.
2. Dog breeders will be neutered without the use of an anesthetic and made to wear a huge plastic funnel around their neck.
3. No one will be allowed to buy a pickup truck unless they can prove they have a business related need for it, and even more proof will be needed for trucks with dual rear wheels.
4. Anyone found parking in a handicapped only parking spot with a mirror hanging permit (or special car plates) that are not in their name, unless the named person is also in the car at that moment will be arrested. On the spot, violators will have their legs broken, thereby making their parking spot usage valid. Doctors found to have given paperwork to get a handicapped parking permit to a person not actually needing one will be ground up and mixed with cement to make colorful parking lot slow down bumps.
5. No one shall take any political office that is able to declare war, unless they have served in active combat, or have children in the military that could be shipped off to a war zone. This almost non-existent group of eligible candidates will exclude anyone who was jumped into a peacetime reserve unit by the pulling of strings by, oh let’s say their politically connected father, or anyone who may have thought even for a moment that Marrion Morrison (aka John Wayne) saw any gunfire other than blanks fired on a stage at Republic Pictures (or a similar location).
6. Not only will it be legal to shoot grafitti “artists” when caught defacing public property, I’m thinking a significant cash bounty might be in order. The amount of cash will be based on the size of the defacement, the number of incorrectly spelled words, usage of gang colors, etc….
7. People living in the United States of America will no longer be known as “…….”-Americans, but rather as Americans of ” …….” ancestry or native origin. By putting the “American” in front, we will go a long way towards ending prejudicial treatment as a way of life, since after all is said and done, in this manner we’re all “Americans” first, with less emphasis placed on the individual’s differentiating ancestry. For example, a graffiti artist (see #6 above) might say: “I’m a American of Mexican origin”, and not, “I’m a Mexican-American”. (As always, feel free to add on any of your own ideas…..)
N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.
Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..
P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….
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Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: 9-11, 911, car pools, dog breeders, dual rear wheels, gang colors, grafitti, handicap parking, John Wayne, legs broken, licensed drivers, Marrion Morrison, permits, pickup trucks, plastic funnel, plates, war zone, warner brothers.