When I Become Supreme Ruler Of The Universe…..

February 28, 2008 at 6:45 am 9 comments

O.K., since no one has asked for it here’s my (not so short) list of things that need doing which is now ready to go, so I can sort of hit the ground running. Here’s a sneak-peak look at my list:

1. To drive in the car pool lanes there will have to be two or more licensed drivers in the car. Driving kids around will not qualify as a car-pool, as you’re not removing a car from the freeway, but adding one in place of a school bus. Also, car pool lanes will exist only on regular work days, during “rush hours”, and only in the direction that any traffic will be “rushing” in. Furthermore, those yellow carpool lane sticker passes for single passenger vehicles will be taken away. Crap, they’re already getting a major sales push from the price of gas hitting the ceiling, no one needs any more incentive to buy one of those cockroach looking fuel saver cars.

2. Dog breeders will be neutered without the use of an anesthetic and made to wear a huge plastic funnel around their neck.

3. No one will be allowed to buy a pickup truck unless they can prove they have a business related need for it, and even more proof will be needed for trucks with dual rear wheels.

4. Anyone found parking in a handicapped only parking spot with a mirror hanging permit (or special car plates) that are not in their name, unless the named person is also in the car at that moment will be arrested. On the spot, violators  will have their legs broken, thereby making their parking spot usage valid. Doctors found to have given paperwork to get a handicapped parking permit to a person not actually needing one will be ground up and mixed with cement to make colorful parking lot slow down bumps.

5. No one shall take any political office that is able to declare war, unless they have served in active combat, or have children in the military that could be shipped off to a war zone. This almost non-existent group of eligible candidates will exclude anyone who was jumped into a peacetime reserve unit by the pulling of strings by, oh let’s say their politically connected father, or anyone who may have thought even for a moment that Marrion Morrison  (aka John Wayne) saw any gunfire other than blanks fired on a stage at Republic Pictures (or a similar location).

6. Not only will it be legal to shoot grafitti “artists” when caught defacing public property, I’m thinking a significant cash bounty might be in order. The amount of cash will be based on the size of the defacement, the number of incorrectly spelled words,  usage of gang colors, etc….

7. People living in the United States of America will no longer be known as “…….”-Americans, but rather as Americans of ” …….” ancestry or native origin. By putting the “American” in front, we will go a long way towards ending prejudicial treatment as a way of life, since after all is said and done, in this manner we’re all “Americans” first, with less emphasis placed on the individual’s differentiating ancestry. For example, a graffiti artist (see #6 above) might say: “I’m a American of Mexican origin”, and not, “I’m a Mexican-American”. (As always, feel free to add on any of your own ideas…..)

N.B., The ownership of any and all photos, opinions, and/ or quotes above (including those of my own) belong to the material’s creator(s). Credit is given when it’s known, but as everyone knows, success usually has a million parents and failure is an orphan.

Feel free to ignore any ads that are shown below this advisory, I don’t get to choose them and even more sadly, I don’t make a penny off any of them, so in the holy name of capitalism I rebuke and don’t endorse or support any of them, unless of course they’re made of funny stuff…..  

P.S., check back for occasional updates and rewrites….

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Who insures us from the insurance companies? I’m going way out on a limb here, but…..

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Scripty  |  February 28, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    I must say with regard to #4 YES!!!

    Reply
  • 2. Terry Finley  |  March 1, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    I’m glad you or your dog
    won’t ever be supreme ruler
    of the universe.

    Reply
    • 3. boskolives  |  January 21, 2012 at 12:29 am

      Rather than “glad” Terry, you should feel extremely grateful as I’m putting you at the head of my list of people that will need to spend some time in a re-eduction camp once I’m the SRoTU.

      Reply
  • 4. John  |  March 4, 2008 at 2:33 am

    I like these. I would say it should be illegal to sell living things. This should cover your breeders, and a host of other ugly things.

    Reply
  • 5. Billy Arvia  |  March 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    When renewing a driver’s license, anyone wishing to use a cell phone while driving must first pass a test where they are required to chew gum and walk at the same time.

    Reply
  • 6. Conor  |  March 8, 2008 at 11:57 pm

    I don’t understand what you have against dog breeders, and I personally really don’t have a probably with graffiti artists. I actually think that cities should employ street artists to create. You actually like all that drab concrete in major American cities?

    Reply
  • 7. ryan  |  March 12, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Must say that I agree with most, esp. 3 and 4.

    I would say that 2 is rather quite lame and unnecessary. The breeders are only half the equation.

    And the graffiti artists, yes, many of them are artists, should be allowed to deface to their hearts content, within reason. I don’t see anything wrong with 90% of the graffiti out there. It is largely inoffensive and requires a bit of skill and daring to do it. And, for the most part, it is largely on public property, of the type that most folks don’t care much about.

    The taggers are the ones that end up defacing property in a ‘dirty’ manner. Most tagging is unimpressive and pointless. Give the kids something to do, work on programs to keep them involved in useful activities and you would reduce the amount of taggers. That would be a much better use of your Supreme Ruler powers. Fix the problem at the root rather than bitch about a system you made no attempt to fix in a constructive manner.

    And for the record, no, I am not a tagger or graffiti artist of any sort. Never held a spray can except to paint the patio furniture.

    Reply
  • 8. Chris Benson (Asparagus Pee Guy)  |  March 27, 2008 at 6:00 am

    Seems to me you’re thinking a little too small for Supreme Ruler of the Universe…

    How about: flying cars, dogs that don’t stink, trucks that get 50 mi to the gallon, putting all the handicapped spots at the end of the parking lot and shuttling them in on a bus because the non-lame can walk more easily from the closer spot. And Kings used to lead their troops into war, didn’t they?

    On the other hand, I’m a small thinker too… if I were SRotU, Halle Barry and Jessica Alba would need to re-work their Daytimers.

    Reply
  • 9. boskolives  |  April 1, 2008 at 5:36 am

    Well Chris, when I’m the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, you’ll just have to accept my definition of what adequate size thinking is, and at the moment my Universe is not too big, not too small, but just right.

    When you take over, feel free to create your own view of how things are and/or should be. Be aware that this is a bit like being the sherif in a small western town, there’s always a new cowboy looking to tell you how to do your job and waiting for the chance to shoot you in the back.

    Thanks for your comment, and taking the time to post it.
    Jerry

    Reply

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